by any beans necessary
Can you believe that this will be the tenth CoffeeWar? Every year has
brought adventure. The high-tech toaster. The year of only two entries.
Shrdlu and Foofus getting stranded in an Albertson's parking lot after
hours. We could go on. But going on would mean talking, and we
haven't had our coffee yet.
Still, ten years. That's a lot of years. This band of brewers has sipped
its way through some of the best and lots of the worst. And we're back for
more: dogged, jumpy, dedicated. Because it is our quest to find the
best coffee. Because it is a powerful symbol to the world of what a
few maniacs with some coffeepots can accomplish. Because we have been
through so much together. As the bard wrote:
"He today that sips this joe with me,
Shall be my brother, be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And sysadmins and hax0rs now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here
And hold their laptops cheap whiles any speaks
That drank with us upon the con's op'ning."
--W. Shakespeare, HENRY V (rejected early draft)
At this point, it is customary for us to reiterate the rules, although we
fully recognize that it's pointless: no matter how hard I hold down the
shift key, someone won't get the message. But still:
1. Only whole beans. Your beans must not be ground. They must still
be in bean form.
2. No decaf. Come on, seriously. A decaf CoffeeWar is like a
drinking game with non-alcoholic beer.
3. No flavored beans. Just beans, nicely roasted. We're trying to
taste the coffee, not other things, no matter how lovely.
4. Supply enough beans. We need to have enough to brew 2 pots, plus
have some beans to inspect/smell. 1/4lb is a good amount. You
will make Shrdlu (and others) happy if there is more (unless
your beans suck; if they suck, leave them home).
5. Be swift. We start when the con opens. If you can't get your
coffee submitted before that, please do it as quickly as you can,
because we'll stop after a couple of hours.
Perhaps a little illustration will help to bring home the subtleties of
/ \ / \
Goofus shows up at noon and asks for Gallant arrives at the judging
his entry to be accepted. table bright and early.
Goofus brought Starbucks decaf fine- Gallant brings Jamaican Blue
ground disembowel-mint flavor. Mountain. Or Kona. Whole
Easy enough, right? I know you can do it. I know you have what it takes to
stand tall among the elite of CoffeeWars history. Prove me right.
We do blind tasting. Why? Because we have a dream that one day contestants
will be judged not by the logo on their submission, but by the content of
their coffee pots.