The Coffee Wars VI results have been released

CoffeeWars VII: Pre-Con Ranting

Wake up and smell the coffee war, people: DefCon 13 is just around the corner, and that means another edition of the world's best-known hacker coffee competition. Already, the frenzy has begun!

From Otto Eyebiter, a veteran of prior wars:

I have a coffee for the coffee wars. I will bring it.

Way to go, Otto, and thanks for not squandering bandwidth! Gripping stuff, no? Well there's more! Listen to what c0ntex had to say, in response to the announcement of the contest:

wow, Defcon is sounding leet, what's next, wine tasting? sucks.

Clearly, this was some sort of taunt! We dusted off our conversational skills and replied with a zinger of our own:

I take it, then, that you won't be joining us. Thanks for your opinion!

No doubt crushed by the forces of superior banter, c0ntex relents:

Ok, I was a bit nasty, just seems a bit, um, 'teh suck'? but anyway, all the best and I hope your coffee beans are victorious :-)

Proof positive that even in a state of war, coffee spreads goodwill and joy! What more do you want? It's going to be a great time, in spite of the fact that c0ntex isn't entering.

Anyway, now's the time when you have an All-Inclusive Divine Excuse to unashamedly mingle with your own kind without having to shroud your activities under the shadow of the Evil Corporate Coffee Empire! Yes, now we caffeine fiends can gather without shame!

WHAT? You want a shot of espresso?! We got your shot right here, pal. This event ain't no freebie. If you want a cup, you gotta pony up. Coffee, that is. Whole bean. We're judging it all. The best, the strongest, the most caffeinated. You name it. ...but regular store-bought or corporate coffee trash will only earn a trashing.

You think you got what it takes? Then we'll take what you got! Bring your best beans and put 'em up for judgment by our over-qualified, over-caffeinated, (and over-rated) Coffee Wars judges and contestant panel! We keep hearing that someone else's beans are the best. Now it's time to prove it bean-to-bean!

"If kids today chose coffee over methadone, the world would be a far better and more productive place."
-AJ Rez